(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "THE CHRISTMAS SONG")
NAT KING COLE: (Singing) Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, Jack Frost nipping at your nose.
MICHEL MARTIN, HOST:
The perfect Christmas song sets the mood right away. Our next guest wants to destroy all that.
STEPHEN THOMPSON, BYLINE: (Laughter).
MARTIN: Stephen Thompson of NPR Music has brought us some of his least favorite Christmas songs. Stephen, good morning. And why do you hate joy?
THOMPSON: Oh, Michel, I love joy. I think, like, everybody has their grievances around the holidays.
MARTIN: OK. You are presenting a few cringeworthy Christmas songs today. So where do we start?
THOMPSON: Well, Michel, every year, I bring in Christmas songs that, you know, set some people's teeth on edge, but I like to kick off with one that I actually enjoy. Bob Dylan put out a Christmas album in 2009 called "Christmas In The Heart," and it contains this frenetic, polkafied version of "Must Be Santa."
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "MUST BE SANTA")
BOB DYLAN: (Singing) Who's got a beard that's long and white? Santa's got a beard that's long and white. Who comes around on a special night? Santa comes around on a special night. Special night, beard that's white. Must be Santa. Must be Santa. Must be Santa, Santa Claus.
MARTIN: OK. I can't decide how I feel about it.
(LAUGHTER)
THOMPSON: I come down pro.
MARTIN: I can kind of see it, maybe.
THOMPSON: Well, I grew up in central Wisconsin, and there was a lot of polka music growing up. The radio stations would play polka routinely. Sometimes, like, every weekend, there would be a polka show. And I think Bob Dylan doing "Must Be Santa" with total commitment - about as much commitment, I think, as you get performance-wise from Bob Dylan in the 2000s - and to me, I appreciate there's a strangely heartfelt quality to it.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "MUST BE SANTA")
DYLAN: (Singing) Bush and Clinton. Reindeer sleigh, come our way. Ho, ho, ho. Cherry nose. Cap on head, suit that's red. Special night, beard that's white. Must be Santa. Must be Santa. Must be Santa, Santa Claus.
MARTIN: I see your point. OK. What do you have? What's next?
THOMPSON: Well, there's a whole subgenre of kind of grating Christmas songs sung by children. Your "Nuttin For Christmas" - you know, songs like that - "All I Want For Christmas (Is My Two Front Teeth)." You know, songs where a child is singing it - it's bound to get under your skin in kind of a special way. And I wanted to bring, for those who haven't heard it, because you need it, from 1953, a song by Gayla Peevey called "I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas."
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "I WANT A HIPPOPOTAMUS FOR CHRISTMAS (HIPPO THE HERO)")
GAYLA PEEVEY: (Singing) I want a hippopotamus for Christmas. Only a hippopotamus will do. Don't want a doll, no dinky Tinkertoy. I want a hippopotamus to play with and enjoy. I...
MARTIN: OK. I will not tolerate hatred here...
THOMPSON: (Laughter).
MARTIN: ...Because we - my kids love this song.
THOMPSON: What...
MARTIN: (Laughter).
THOMPSON: And what I love - what...
MARTIN: I will fight you, Stephen.
THOMPSON: What I love about this, Michel, is your kids love this song. I looked through the window and saw our producer Phil Harrell twist his face...
MARTIN: (Laughter).
THOMPSON: ...Into a grinchy scowl. To me...
MARTIN: (Laughter).
THOMPSON: ...Listening to this song - I've listened to this song several times this holiday season. And to me, like, I was someone who, when I was a child, I absolutely tortured my parents with "Christmas With The Chipmunks." You know, with Alvin, Simon, Theodore and their - those, like, high, pinchy voices. And to me, it was the sound of Christmas, even though it made my parents want to walk into the sea. And so...
(LAUGHTER)
THOMPSON: ...This, to me, is, like, a slightly lesser-known song that - again, it's annoying, but it's also polarizing, which - and when something is polarizing, it means there are a bunch of people who love it and think it's cute.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "I WANT A HIPPOPOTAMUS FOR CHRISTMAS (HIPPO THE HERO)")
PEEVEY: (Singing) No crocodiles or rhinoceroses. I only like hippopotamuses. And hippopotamuses like me, too.
MARTIN: What else have you got?
THOMPSON: Well, I wanted to bring a question for you, Michel. What is your least favorite Christmas song? Not performance, but composition.
MARTIN: I try to avoid giving my personal opinion...
THOMPSON: (Laughter).
MARTIN: ...On this program, but I will have to say...
THOMPSON: (Laughter).
MARTIN: ...That I am not a fan of "Santa Baby."
THOMPSON: Michel Martin, you and I have the same least favorite Christmas song.
MARTIN: Not a fan.
THOMPSON: Oh, my gosh.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "SANTA BABY")
MADONNA: (Singing) Santa baby, slip a sable under the tree for me. Been an awful good girl, Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight.
THOMPSON: It's so cloying. It's so cutesy. There's something so curdled about it. And the version we just heard is by Madonna from actually a wonderful charity compilation called "A Very Special Christmas" from 1987, but how her performance manages to sound both committed and indifferent at the same time is really hard to put my finger on. But I just - it makes my teeth hurt.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "SANTA BABY")
MADONNA: (Singing) Santa baby, and fill my stocking with a duplex and checks. Sign your X on the line, Santa baby, and hurry down the chimney tonight.
MARTIN: Well, I guess I don't love the idea that Christmas is just about getting stuff. I guess that's what bothers me about it. It's a close call with "Baby, It's Cold Outside," which isn't technically a Christmas song, but you get the drift.
THOMPSON: Sure. Yeah. I mean, "Baby, It's Cold Outside" is definitely one of those deeply polarizing holiday songs that has - it's kind of...
MARTIN: Right.
THOMPSON: ...Fallen out of favor in recent years, and I think with good reason. I don't think there is a version of that song that I enjoy. But for whatever reason, "Santa Baby" is one that I encounter all the time in the wild. And every time I do, it, like - I just - I need a cleanse.
MARTIN: It's time to leave the store until it stops playing.
THOMPSON: Yeah. I've done that (laughter).
MARTIN: (Laughter).
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "SANTA BABY")
EARTHA KITT: (Singing) Think of all the fun I've missed. Think of all the fellows that I haven't kissed.
MARTIN: Well, just want to mention here the views of Stephen Thompson do not necessarily...
THOMPSON: (Laughter).
MARTIN: ...Reflect the views of NPR.
THOMPSON: Or Michel Martin.
MARTIN: We'll get that disclaimer in there, right?
(LAUGHTER)
MARTIN: But you can DM him if you have thoughts.
THOMPSON: Oh, my gosh.
MARTIN: All right. Stephen Thompson is a co-host with the NPR podcast Pop Culture Happy Hour. Stephen, thank you so much, and happy holidays.
THOMPSON: Thank you, Michel. Happy holidays to you, too.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "SANTA BABY")
KITT: (Singing) Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight. Santa honey, one little thing I really need - the deed... Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.
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